- Rebecca
Hi! I’m Beca, a 21-year-old, genderfluid, asexual lesbian. I’ve always known I was queer.
Growing up I felt very ostracised from my peers, when they were speaking of first crushes, boys and sex I never really saw the appeal. Upon speaking to my elders, I was always just told I was very mature for my age, but I know even growing up I desperately tried to rebel against traditional female gender norms.
From a young age I declared a strong hatred for the colour pink (much to my family’s dismay), refused to wear skirts or dresses to school and also was always very career and hobbies focused.
Watching Disney movies and chick-flicks I could only ever feel myself relating to the outcast characters, the ones on the sidelines who would be giving sarcastic comments but we never really saw involved in any real romantic relationships, and then it was around age 15 I discovered drag.
I’d been exposed to drag from a very young age, firstly through Freddie Mercury in the ‘I want to break free’ music video (the first queer representation I ever saw on TV) and also through the traditional panto dame, however going to my first drag show and being in an openly queer environment was like a breath of fresh air to me. I started playing with makeup, watching more queer classic movies like The Rocky Horror Picture Show, and just really let myself find myself.
I knew I was a lesbian every time I tried to date a man, I never felt the attraction and always backed out, inevitably deciding I couldn’t hide my true self anymore.
At first, I felt like a massive let down to everyone, I wasn’t going to be the Disney Princess I desperately wanted to be growing up (for there is still no WLW presentation in Disney film), I wasn’t going to live the traditional cereal box family lifestyle I’d studied for years in school, but I was going to live my authentic and happy truth, the best thing a person can do. I discovered my gender-fluidity through the terms people would use to describe me, ‘woman’ and ‘lady’ always left a lump in the back of my throat.
I wanted to be me, nothing but me, nothing but Beca, and these terms made me uncomfortable.
I am happy to be a femme presenting person, I am comfortable in my femininity and can’t ever imagine myself being anything different, but I also don’t believe in labelling myself as one specific gender.
I’d say I sit somewhere in-between non-binary and female (probably a little closer to the female side) in my identity, and that’s okay! I am happy in how I present and the pronouns I use, and it took me a long time to come to terms with that, but I am here, I am queer and I am not going anywhere!
Through attending local drag shows, I have finally found a queer family who have been supportive for the whole journey in my self-discovery and have enabled me to move cities to become a queer events manager full time, as well as now owning my own queer production company.
All I want to be in life is happy, accepted and safe and my friendship circle have enabled me to become all of those things. I wouldn’t be where I am today without my queer family, all I’ve ever wanted was their acceptance without judgement and that’s what they continue to offer me.
As queer people, we are very lucky to have the ability to have chosen family, a solid group that has experienced the same inner-conflicts growing up that heterosexual people would not understand, and we stick together through thick and thin.
I hope someday to live in a world where queer people all over the planet feel loved and accepted, where I can walk down the street without fear of homophobia, and one where I am just happy.
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